My Musings, My Thoughts & My Ponderings
As times have changed more and more people are becoming involved in relationships were there are Step-Children involved an inevitable part of the whole situation is when there are Milestones.
Last weekend, we had we had the chilled child’s First Communion. And it was going to be the first time in 15 months that I would have had an actual close encounter with Mommy (it is something I don’t understand either but alas thats a whole other issue). We attended the church and the children came up to us before the mass. Afterwards, we also had chats with them which was fine. Mommy came up to Mr. Rockstar and asked him on
e question, didn’t acknowledge my existence and walked away.
Mr. Rockstar & I have spoken on the situation and it is still something we will never understand. Mommy is impossible. Mommy gives off a hostile air when she is around. There is nothing comforting about her presence. I’m not speaking of her parenting skills (again another issue) but her actual persona when she has been within 50 feet of my presence. She and Mr. Rockstar don’t speak. They don’t speak about the children at school, they don’t speak about the children when they are living in each other’s residences, they don’t speak to communicate discipline. They text and when an actually issue is tried to be discussed, she argues and insults her way to the end of the text.
I believe that she should have an actual relationship with me, I also believe that she should want to know who the hell is spending half of the week with her children. But for the future of these milestones, she should want to me meet. I have never wished that a couple (particularly one that i’m half in) get back together particularly when I form half the relationship. But I couldn’t help being traditional, and wishing that Chilled Child could have both his parents sitting behind him at the church last weekend.
I do understanding that this is a very messed up thought in my head, but I do believe in traditional relationships. I believe there should be a mommy and daddy and the children. Thats the age in which I was brought up. Its actually scary to think what will happen to genetics in the future with the amount of broken relationships with Children that I see around.
I believe that when parents seperate, short of one of them going to jail or dying that they should maintain an actual speaking and communicative relationship with their ex for the sake of their children. I believe that as part of the future parenting relationship with their children, I should also have some form of a relationship where we are civil with each other and also where we can speak independently of Mr. Rockstar. We still have 1 Communion, 3 Confirmations, 4 Graduations to go before they hit 18… thats a lot of events where we are not speaking.
I watched a programming on Body Language this morning and both Mr. Rockstar and I agreed on several aspects of this program. One of the first near times I encountered Mommy was when she came to pick up the children, they weren’t ready (which is usual, because they just love having loads of fun &
not getting ready to go, even with 30mins notice) but she knocked on the door. And the knock was nothing short of aggression and it wasn’t a happy knock. It was, without doubt, hostile and like we were messing with her because she had to wait and additional 30 seconds in the car. She never comes to the door, always stays in the car. Or when she don’t wish to finish her weekend early, sends someone else to pick them up while she stays in the pub.
Saturday for me was the realization that I may in fact never have a relationship with this woman, and while a lot of the people who I’ve encountered have s
aid this is a positive thing, I believe that for the sake of children that I should have one. Our Princess is only 6, nearly 7 but basically there is another decade before the last of the children are out of the house. Not speaking about whether I have any of my own. The relationships I’ve had with my parents have always been one of openness, they are both in their late 50s now, and reasonably traditional. But these milestones were always celebrated by the family, I feel that it’s what we should do.
We had a party on Saturday night when our Chilled Child came home with all of Mr. Rockstar’s family. It was such good fun but one thing we both agreed was that we should have been able to invite her. She should have been able to be here. After all, she was the one that left Mr. Rockstar for a man she already had on the go…. where is the logic there.
Children deserved to be loved, and they all deserve for us to build a relationship with Mommy. But it is so so so hard. The longer it doesn’t happen, the less I think it ever will.
The ups & downs of life as a step-mother, wife, employee, sister, daughter
Raising Healthy Kids... For Moms By Choice
Just another WordPress.com weblog
When Congo met Yorkshire: Muddling through as a sudden full-time step-mum and new bio-mum in a swirly, twirly, mixed-race blended family.
and moving forward...
The journey of a blended family, as they explore their world.
A peek inside my crazy life as a Mom, Step-Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Aunt, Friend, Blogger...
My Musings, My Thoughts & My Ponderings
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing