My Surreal Life

My Musings, My Thoughts & My Ponderings

Siblings ‘vs’ Half-Siblings

As soon as I started my current relationship and knew that kids at some point were to form part of my future I started to question a lot of my values and beliefs. If you are truly honest and understanding of your situation you will realise that you ultimately you bear some responsibility to these children and then follows the question as to whether you will have bio-children.

If you are honest about the relationship you intend to have with this person it’s important that there is a discussion early on about children, access, relationship with the ex and his expectations about the future and your role in it. If you don’t have this discussion what sort of a situation do you honestly believe you will end up in.

My step-children’s don’t call me mom (and I’m okay with that) but they don’t call me mom because bio-mom has told them that it’s something they don’t need to call me. And i’ve been told me this in the most innocent way an 8 year old child can (it still hurts). I responded by telling her that its her decision to call me whatever she wishes and that it’s not for her mom to tell her how to have a relationship with me. But knowing that another parent could say such a troubling thing to her own child with no problem bothers me a lot. I’ve spent 3 years creating a relationship with these children, I’ve worked hard, it’s been emotionally tough and a change. I was a single and 25. In five months, I became 25, with a home and three step-children. I’ve learned a lot and the biggest was expectations about my role that I’ve created for myself, those imposed by others and what is morally correct.

Now I’m faced with a new challenge and that is becoming a bio-mom. Facing the responsibility of parenting 100% not 50% and having a bigger blended family then previously I’ve been dealing with. I’m really looking forward to it, everyone is excited in the house which is really important. We have decided that this child will not be labelled as a half-sibling, this child will be the other children’s sibling and that’s pretty much it. However, given the bio-moms stance on me, I continue to wonder what her stance will be on this. And what I will say is this, if she so much as opens her mouth, there will be hell to pay. She can be disrespect me but she won’t be disrespecting my child.

There is a fine line about how blended you want your whole family to be but it’s important to know your limits before you get yourself in too deep and get hurt by what you experience. I have learned so much but I’ve loved every minute of it. It takes a certain type to be able to adapt and function productively! I’m not saying it from a place of condescension but from seeing those that couldn’t adapt, those who have hurt their partners and his children and from those who told me its just not for them. It’s okay for someone not to want to be in my situation, life is simpler other ways but I wouldn’t change it. I’ve learned more and been exposed to so much more then I would have been and wouldn’t change it for the world.

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2 comments on “Siblings ‘vs’ Half-Siblings

  1. Chicago Jill
    December 11, 2012

    I can relate to this. My Kiddo has older half-siblings and I would never refer to them as “half-siblings.” In the end, the child will make up his or her own mind about what kind of relationship they will have with you, their step-parents, their siblings, their step or half siblings, etc. They might find themselves closer to you in some ways than their own “real” parent or sibling, etc. In the end, it’s about the relationship that forms, not titles. I’ve learned to just be kind and life will work itself out. 🙂

  2. healthystepfamily
    March 25, 2013

    My stepchildren are “half siblings” (2 different moms). I have told them there is no such thing as a half person, nor a half sibling. Every person is whole, and their relationship is as authentic and real as any relationship between sibling. I am now expecting my own child, and I agree with you: I do not want anyone to feel like they are half in our family. We all belong fully to the family and there should be nothing half about our relationships. Thank you for this post

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This entry was posted on December 11, 2012 by in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , .
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