My Surreal Life

My Musings, My Thoughts & My Ponderings

Losing A Little Part Of Myself

There appears to be an unwritten part of pregnancy that people don’t discuss and to be honest, its the worst side effect I’ve experienced. I spoke about it yesterday briefly before I had a larger discussion with my husband last night on the issue. Intimacy and pregnancy are so closely related, its intimacy that causes pregnancy so imagine my surprise to realise that its one of the biggest pregnancy casualty.

Men have a weird response to the act of making love during pregnancy, its something that words can not be found to describe what’s weird. We know it is weird and there is a lot issues with thoughts of the baby and other random thoughts but I can’t find the words to say…… “what about me?” I am still feeling sexual and I still have desires. But I can’t find the words to tell my husband this. I don’t know why, I’ve tried to be playful and send suggestive texts, I’ve tried turning him on but nothing. His hands are those of my husband, the are kind, supportive and nurturing but they are not hands that have sexual desire.

You become worried, I wonder consistently whether or not he still loves me, I’ve become concerned that maybe one day he will cheat because he will succumb to sexual desire that he feels he can’t experience with me because I’m pregnant. I’m concerned that if I put on too much weight he won’t be in the least bit attracted to me. I’m concerned that if I don’t lose the weight quickly after delivery that he won’t find me attractive either.

Am I putting myself under too much pressure? Perhaps! Am I being realistic in my thinking? Definitely!!! Nobody told me about this, I don’t want to be resentful towards my unborn child but I cant help but feel a little annoyed that I’m experiencing this stress!! toI’m annoyed that this feels like a hassle as opposed to a joy. I’m annoyed that some much is made out of a natural process. I’m annoyed that pregnancy is supposed to be a blessing and a beautiful experience and I’m totally worried about my relationship with my husband.

Is it a shame thing that people don’t talk about this or am I reading too much in to this and its my messed up mind making things harder than it needs to be? I wish I had someone to talk to about this?


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This entry was posted on December 26, 2012 by in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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