My Surreal Life

My Musings, My Thoughts & My Ponderings

To Build or Not to Build a Relationship with BioMom

Possibly one of the hardest decisions to make and one which maybe totally out out of your control….

Do you have a relationship with BioMom? Do you want a relationship with BioMom? Who ultimately makes this decision?

I never got the opportunity to make a decision. I never got the chance to met her. She made her decision the minute my husband dated me because I was 25 with no children. How wrong she was! There was no cheating, she had left him before he ever met me.

Why does she not want to met me? This is definitely something I try not to get worked up about. After three years, she doesn’t deserve to meet me or understand me or ever even speak to me. She can be happy knowing she takes my money that I work 60+ hours a week to earn and still have to provide for my stepchildren when they are in my care.

She can be happy throwing around the term “primary carer” and deep in the back of her mind know that while she may have no respect for me, her kids do and it’s the only way way she has to show control.

In reality she can control nothing because she has created a separate life with the children, one where her current relationship isn’t fully integrated. She refuses to talk to the children’s father or myself, she keeps threatening court for everything she will not make any effort to sit down and have an open relationship with us. Nothing is shared, everything is hidden from us (school events & meetings), everything is hidden from the children (where she goes, what she does), her life is full of secrets. She wants nobody to have any visibility to her life.

We don’t think this way, we have nothing to hide. We act in the best interest of the children, and try to give them all we can within the constraints that BioMom has created. She has removed them from soccer, we can’t sign them up anywhere else because she wouldn’t bring them to games or training. We can’t enrol my stepdaughter in anything because activities are on in BioMom’s time. We are in a situation where we are being constrained to parent because BioMom doesn’t wish to have any support, she wishes to play ‘victim’ when there isn’t a ‘victim’ to be played.

We have stood in a court on two separate occasions and tried to explain to a judge our situation and I want to be involved and all he cared about was the money for her. Not the fact she actually earns more money than my husband. And legally I don’t come in to the equation.

So after all of that why would I want to have a relationship with BioMom, it’s simple, because I am better as an asset as opposed to an enemy. It’s better for the children, for the family structure, and would cause less hassle. She isn’t a person I want to be friends with, want to be in the life of but unfortunately she is part of my extended family. The day I had my first date with my husband, that became the reality. But I will never get the opportunity to make the decision.

Maybe it’s better left this way, but I honestly even as awful as she has been to me, it’s not the best way forward.


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This entry was posted on January 29, 2013 by in Personal and tagged , , , , , , .

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