My Surreal Life

My Musings, My Thoughts & My Ponderings

While I Wait…..

I’ve cried so many times since I’ve been admitted to hospital, at this point its out of sheer frustration. I don’t do well with all this waiting, results are good, they are bad, they are borderline, now they are normal on meds. Honestly, I don’t want to be on meds, I feel anxious and ill. Baby is cozy, head is down but not fixed so not ready to come out just yet. Doctors keep teasing me with the word induction & then everything goes normal again. My pregnancy was going so well, I was fine & I had 2.5 weeks left.

Now I am angry, angry my body couldn’t hold out, angry that labour isn’t progressing or even on the horizon and just resentful that my body can’t seem to give accurate readings, like they haven’t given me meds so why are things improving? None of this makes sense, like what good is me lying in bed, drinking endless amounts of water? How is that helping?

I need to go home to my husband, my house & my family. I need to do things, not a lot but perhaps something. People keep telling me that I was doing too much, hence I needed a rest. I don’t believe I was doing anything above normal daily life. However, I seem to be the only person of that opinion. I wasn’t tired, I was eating, so why should I not go about my daily business? Well now I’m lying here, annoyed that I have to, not visitors this evening either.

I’m trying not to blame baby after all when its ready it will come out. I know this isn’t babys fault. But I’m just so angry in general. I want to sleep beside my husband, I want to have one more night of just us, so I know we will be okay. I’m so scared this will change everything. I’m not ready if it does.

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This entry was posted on May 4, 2013 by in Personal.
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