My Surreal Life

My Musings, My Thoughts & My Ponderings

Blending and Upgrading

The remarriage/long-term relationship for any man is fraught with ideals, cautionary tales and a desire to do things better this time.  Some people refer to themselves as an upgrade, some men joke between friends that they have upgraded with their new girlfriend/wife. 

Women can often feel somewhat smug about the situation particularly if they are an upgrade on their partners previous model. Perhaps the fact that he has remarried you or had more babies with you gives you some sort of powerful feeling that you are an upgrade. But in reality what really makes you an upgrade. Are you prettier? Are you smarter, richer, better educated, more sophisticated? Are you younger or fitter? 


Looking at myself, I know the following things:- 

  • I am younger, taller & prettier
  • I am better educated
  • I am smarter
  • I have a more successful job
  • I am thinner
  • I managed to marry him whereas she didn’t
  • I managed to have more children with him. 


But do any of these things actually make me an upgrade or just a different person to that of my Husbands Ex. She gave him is first children, she can run (slowly but its still a quicker movement than walking), who am I to take away from the fact that at one point my Husband did love his Ex. Perhaps foolishly, he was too young to understand the gravity of his decisions having a child at 25 would do to him or parenting a Step-Daughter (with an absent father) from 23.

I am a believer that becoming a parent too young is detrimental to your future, too much responsibility without really understanding what you want from life, what you want from a partner is one of the many reasons why so many young relationships end, particularly those where children are involved. For me, it was so important to know who I was and what I wanted from a guy before I stepped in to a relationship, when I stepped forward I had no intention of becoming a StepMom but I was prepared unconsciously. I had seen so many sides of men, I had been through so many bad relationships, I have seen so many bad relationships and men who walked away from their children because they were just too damn young to understand what happens when a child is conceived. I understand that these things happen but perhaps we need to get a point in society where dialogue is more open to help children fully understand what life is really about. 

Marriage with Steps is tough, bringing a blender baby in to the mix makes things 100 times harder. The time that used to be just for you as a couple is no more. Its important to both be on the same page when it comes to having a blender baby.  Its important that your partner wants one, its important that he is ready for one, that you both are! 



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This entry was posted on May 15, 2014 by in Uncategorized.

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