My Surreal Life

My Musings, My Thoughts & My Ponderings

My Journey To Parenthood

I was a single woman in my early 20s when I met the man I would eventually marry. I had been single for a little over a year & was ready to meet someone serious. I was celebrating my 25th birthday with my bff (now ex-bff) and started chatting to a very handsome man about our mutual dislike of the band playing that particular evening. The band were terrible but I found out that my handsome man was the lead guitarist of my favourite band (I was smitten instantly).

Several drinks later and he had disclosed he was single (less than a month), had three bio-children and one step-daughter with his ex-girlfirend, owned his own home and really wanted to get me there đŸ˜‰ I declined (I was trying new dating tatics to avoid ending up with assholes) and we very drunkenly went our seperate ways. He was so drunk that he went the bathroom and just went home without saying goodbye or exchanging numbers.

I woke up the next morning, hungover (far to many cosmopolitans) and unable to remember handsome rockstars name or for that matter what he looked like so I had to go do some picture digging. Found the pictures, he was handsome when I was sober too (bonus) but his name escaped me as did me recognising him ever. I personally knew the lead singer and had spoken to the keyboard player several times but handsome man I just couldn’t remember seeing him in the band. As we hadn’t exchanged numbers there was damn all I could do until his next gig, so I decided I wouldn’t obsess and if it was meant to be it would work out.

Two weeks later I found out that he was gigging, so I roped my bff in to joining me to see what would take place, if anything at all. We arrived and sat, talked and giggled. Then I spotted a guy that could have been him alone at the end of the bar (it wasn’t until later I found out that the barman asked him did he want to send me over a drink). He at some point had noticed me because we did lock eyes several times. But I had just finished reading “The Rules” and decided for once I would do it right so I was going to let the man come to me. By the time he took to the stage, we had moved tables to a corner but I was sat directly in front of him. We locked eyes several times throughout the first half of the gig, but it wasn’t until the final song of that half that I knew I had to at least date him. He played ‘Hotel California’ by The Eagles with such perfection I was blown away by his talent and I fell head over heels in love with his fingers. At the break, my friends went for a smoke, I stayed alone on purpose to see if he would approach and he did. He bought me a drink, we had a brief chat, a little kiss and he asked me to hang around after the gig. So I did.

I got back to my parents at 7:30am the next morning. I had to rush to get ready for my roadtrip. Entralled by my liaison I wondered would I ever hear from him again. I went off and enjoyed my weekend, told my girlfriends all the juicy gossip and celebrated my birthday. I did hear from him later in the day and had a brief texting discussion. It was Valentines Day on the Sunday and I left my girlfriends at about lunch time, I was half way home chilling on the bus and got a phone call. It was him, it was half time in his football match and he asked out on a date for that night. It was so long since a man actually (a) asked me out on a date and (b) actually asked me out without the use of a text or Facebook so even though the timeline wasn’t ideal I said yes! I got off the bus and headed straight to a store to get a new outfit. I got back to my parents and literally showered, changed and headed out on my date.

We met in our favorite pub, we sat and chatted, I was so nervous. I wanted to make a good impression. He is nearly 10 years older and I didn’t know why he would possibly want me. I needed to be mature. We talked about kids, the ex-factor, likes, needs and wants. I ended up back in his house again, the difference was that this evening the children where home. They were all in bed and asleep, so he showed me them sleeping. They were adorable and I did feel more comfortable. I wondered what it would be like, he was so open and honest about everything that it was slightly more settling. He told me that he was seeing a therapist at the time and that he said he should wait at least a year before introducing me to the children. To be fair we decided we would play it by ear and see how we got on before bringing the children in to the picture.

Time went by and we dated, we had weekends together and evenings together, he played guitar to me, I literally swooned and loved every minute of it. We had tea and biscuits, we had beer and takeout and watched a lot of comedy and crime shows. In the middle of March 2010, we decided it was time to meet the children. So March 17th, I was introduced to his three children and his stepdaughter. He had discussed me with them already and while we planned the meeting it was more impromptu when it actually happened. I had my head in the fridge when they arrived at the house. So everything went well and a relationship developed.

Slowly but surely I spent more time with the children, getting to really know them and getting to grips with their personality traits. The first night I was alone with them when H has to work was so scary. I was afraid of so many things but it came, went and has done a million times since. We moved in together in late April 2010, he asked me after a night out sitting in an Indian takeaway waiting on food to bring home. It was as romantic as you could get but its something I always will remember.

I take the time we moved in together as the day I officially became a StepMom. I knew that he wouldn’t go through all of this again if he wasn’t completely sure about us. I knew we were headed in the direction of marriage. He had been vocal enough about his wants, needs, expectations and also the failures in his last relationship to know what laid in store. He felt I complemented his parenting style, that I understood how he wanted his children to grow up. And with that he gave me 100% parenting responsibilities and input in all matters. He wanted us to be the family he wanted & he wanted the children to feel the influence of a positive relationship.

That is my journey to parenthood…..


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